Christ predicts his Passion, and reminds me that to follow him, I must "take up [my] cross daily." And so is the focus of this season, both Lent and this time of my life. I'm beginning a period of "strict training," albeit much belated. With God's grace I will improve my efforts daily. In Cold Mountain, Inman adds an eighth deadly sin: regret. I agree wholeheartedly, and add for myself: fear. Not the proper fear of the Lord, but paralyzing fear that has left its mark across my past as indelibly as wine stains on a fine tablecloth. So Lent begins, the season of my life (rearing, not bearing, unless God chooses otherwise) begins, and my fight against my own fear begins in earnest.
And I'll begin mourning the end of my bearing season. I just hope the decision to stop is not motivated by love of my own life so much as my desire to lay my life down in service to the precious blessings God has granted us. For His purposes. Is this decision weakness of faith? If I were blessed with a 4th pregnancy, would the outcome not be God's plan no matter if I survived?